Well recently my mum has become weird, she makes me go to parties and I absolutely hate them. I tell her look I wanna do my bhagti, simran, gurbani and seva. These dirty parties have alchol, meat and dirty music. Its just soo horrible, I cant do simran with every breath because the music is soo loud and its dirty lyrics. Like when u do simran, u do it with of gurbani tuks which inspie u to do simran. BUT when ur at parties, people dancing and stuff its horrible. My mum makes me goo!!! and its so annoying. She soo badly doesnt understand this path, this is our only chance to meet god. I then say would u prefer me to go out with my mates, go clubbing and come back on the weekends at 3am. Or would u want me to be on a good path.

Then they start comparing me to my tyia and chacha's son. Mum says they go with their parents to parties, why don't u, what was the point of u being born. The she says is this what they teach u at the gurdwhra, to go against ur parents.

Bhai Kulbir Singh and other gursikhs, whats ur views do u think I should continue going to parties, or should I just totally go against my parents and say NO!! Then they theaten to take my car away fromme and going to the gudwhara.

I am stuck in a rut, please help me!!

Vaheguru jee kaa khalsa Vaheguru jee kee fateh

veerji

i too feel your pain as my parents used to do that to me too. but now they have stoped :)

veerji a singh once told me that even if u go to parties you can find guru jee

take it as a test to see if u will still see your beautifull preetam jee in the manmukhs who dance around all night.

if u can try to make sure u dont go but if nothing else then the previous advice is best......

good luck

try to make them feel ur pain and why you dont want to go.....or tell them u only wanna go for like 5 seconds for the formalities and u dont want to stay for the wierd drunks dancing.....

again good luck

Vaheguru jee kaa khalsa Vaheguru jee kee Fateh

I used to have this problem, my family thought it was the norm for Sikhs to have their parties with dancing, singing, alcohol and meat. I have never really been a party animal as the idea of prancing around has never appealed even in the days before realizing the essence of Sikh Dharma.
My father used to always try to force me to go to parties but after discussing why i did not want to go , he slowly understood, after all it wasn't as if they were close family parties.

Slowly they will get bored of asking you about it and just let you be.

My close cousin is to be married next year... Lets see if the wedding cannot take place without me. They seem to make it out as if it cant.

I went through the same thing.

It can be a lot of pressure as family can get on your case.

This is were you just have to make a stand.

At first my family was furious and tried everything, from guilt trips, indivdual talks, gang up talks, but i just held my ground.

I think the more time I spent doing paat in the house, the less the pressure effected me.

Now when people ask me at work why i dont go to the office parties, I just tell them I dont go anywhere alcohal is being consumed. I just avoid the atmosphere. Most people understand this.

Hope this helps you...



Edited 1 time(s). Last edit at 10/20/2007 02:53PM by Amritpal Singh.

brother this is what i learnt even though it maybe be hard, dont try and be somebody you are not, it will only cause you pain in the long run...and dont just do something to please somebody else

Pyare veer,
Though we shud care for our parents, but Guru Ji shud be our top priority. Satguru jee is our real father, our real mother. Though my parents never forced me to go to marriage parties etc, but they tried to stop me from wearing bana and eating in sarbloh. But I remained firm in my stand and finally my parents too changed and infact began to appreciate me,lol,(they call me babaji these days,hahahahaha).
So, the key is to remain firm, ur parents shud know that pleasing Satguru jee is ur top priority,ur parents shud get the signal that you are ready to sacrifice anything and everything for Satguru jee, once this happens, ur parents will change as well because deep down they love you. And yes, never be rude to ur parents and show love and care for them, this will further strengthen ur stand.

It is a duty of a Gursikh to serve and obey his (or her) parents and for this there is a Gurbani Hukam that goes as follows:

Kaahe pooth jhagrat hao sang baap||
Jin ke jane badeeray tumm hau, tinn siyon jhagrat paap||
(O Son, why are you quarrelling with your father. (Don’t you know that) it is a sin to fight with your parents who gave you birth and cared for you.)

This is a hukam written by Siri Guru Raam Daas jee, most probably referring to his disobedient son Prithi Chand. While we have this hukam we also have saakhi of Bhagat Prahalaad jee, narrated by Siri Guru Amardaas jee, Bhagat Kabir jee and Bhagat Naamdev jee, in Gurbani. From this saakhi we clearly learn that while Bhagat Prahalaad jee never fought with his father Harnaakash, he also did not obey wrong hukam of his father. His father was asking him to stop reciting Naam of Vaheguru. Bhagat jee stayed adamant and did not obey this wrong hukam of his father, but at the same time always stayed respectful towards his father.

From the above saakhi written in Gurbani, we can safely conclude that it is okay to not obey wrong hukams of our parents but at the same time we must stay respectful towards them and should not fight with them.

Daas,
Kulbir Singh

I think all of this is the gurus will. Whatever guru wants will happen and its all for a reason.

Partys are a punjabi distraction from the true sikhi. This is all god will and must be accepted. Going to partys can be seen as a test. Do ardaas to guru ji to help you. I am 100% possotive that if you do the ardas wiht full heart for waheguru to help you, then he will.

Try and take a hukamnaama from guru ji after doig an ardaas. And you shall find the answer in this.

Waheguru JI kA kHALSA,
wAHEGURU Ji Ki Fateh!

-------
Try and take a hukamnaama from guru ji after doig an ardaas. And you shall find the answer in this.
-------

It is my humble opinion that hukamnama is taken on issues about which we have doubt and about which we can't find an answer elsewhere. It does not seem right to take hukamnama about Black and White issues e.g. to take hukamnama about whether one should steal, lie or commit violence etc. does not seem right. There are already hukams about them in Gurbani. Same way, how can one take hukamnama about whether one should go to parties where they serve meat, liquor and play dirty music? It is clear without doubt that such things are not acceptable in Gurmat.

Yes, after doing ardaas one does take hukamnama normally and this is fine but to doubt whether Guru Sahib has prohibited us from committing sins is not right.

Daas,
Kulbir Singh

Bhai Kulbir Singh what if one has no choice and parents force them, then just to seek guru sahibs blessings and to show how sorry one is, then I think its fine to seek hukamnama.

Thanks for the clarification Kulbir Singh.

Fateh

Waheguru ji ka khalsa
Waheguru ji ki fateh

Khalsa jio,

Although many Singhs have given enough Gurmat point of view and we were thinking not to mention anything but finally we decided to share in short a just recent experience with one of our Singh which is very relevant to the topic. For coming month we received an invitation few days back for a party from one of our relative. The relationship is very sensitive not easy to refuse secondly those relatives are very mayadhari (millionaire); it is not easy turn back. Since we got the invitation we were thinking how to avoid it. First we thought we should arrange a kirtan program at our home but that did not work out, then some other thoughts came but those did not work out either then finally we left on Guru Sahib. Guess what? Guru Sahib did kirpa now we received another invitation for a Kirtan Smagam for same date and top of that it is on exactly same time. Now we have a big excuse not to go there. We are amazed! How Guru Sahib saved from that bad sangat (consumption of alcohol, meat, ool jalool dance, ਕੰਨ ਪਾੜ music, gossips etc) and gave us invitation of his sangat.

So implant Shudh vichaar in mind Guru Sahib always listen and help.

Guru Mehar Karay

Waheguru ji ka khalsa
Waheguru ji ki fateh