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GURMAT QUESTION OF MARRIAGE
Posted by: Ekta Singh (IP Logged)
Date: November 23, 2007 06:30AM

My brother wants to get married to a girl who obviously has a different surname to him, but the girls nankaa have the same surname as my brother. My mum and dad have not been in favour of this rishta happening because they say two surnames should be left, the mums and dads surname.

Could Bhai Kulbir Singh and other gursikhs please give their suggestions according to gurmat, if the rishta could or not go ahead!!

 



Re: GURMAT QUESTION OF MARRIAGE
Posted by: kulbir singh (IP Logged)
Date: November 23, 2007 12:42PM

It is old tradition that in Punjab they don't get married in the same village i.e. husband and wife can't be of the same village. They were considered brother and sister. Same way, in Jat culture, cousins are considered as sisters and brothers and persons from same tribe are considered not fit to be married to each other. In olden times they used to leave 4 Gotras i.e. father's, mother's, father's maternal and mother's maternal. Scientifically this is considered to be a healthy thing as opposed to getting married in the same gene pool.

I don't see wrong in not getting married in the same surname or even leaving the mother's last name for marriage.

Kulbir Singh

 



Re: GURMAT QUESTION OF MARRIAGE
Posted by: Harinder Singh (IP Logged)
Date: November 23, 2007 11:48PM

Pyare veer
this is more of a jatt question of marriage than a gurmat question of marriage.haha.
Most jatts I know only care about 1 surname ie theirs and dont bother too much about nankaa surnames these days. Recently one of my school mate jatt friend fell in some sort of love and married in same surname and it wasnt that big a deal.

 



Re: GURMAT QUESTION OF MARRIAGE
Posted by: malton (IP Logged)
Date: December 02, 2007 09:52AM

i have an argument in regards to this matter. bhai kulbir singh noted that in jat culture you do not marry someone with the same gotra as your mother or father, or from your pind, because she is considered your sister. My question is, why are we losing everything and anything culturally based, just becasue we now for some reason feel that punjabi 'culture' and 'sikhi' do not have any overlap?

The pind example could be possibly disputed, but why would we want to break a tradition where theres nothing but positive, for personal gain? If you live in a village, you are considered part of a larger 'family' unit looking out for one another. Instead of being under a assumption that one should feel safe in his or her own village - should one feel his daughter could be under the eye of someone for another purpose? For hundreds of years, there were invaders in our villages attempting to rape or kidnap our girls, which is why the pinds became so close-knit in protecting women.

In my pind recently, a girl ran off with 3-4 bayay, and one of our pind boys saw it and reported it to the police, who then notified the parents. She wasnt forced, but rather willingly went them. In some peoples view, it might be none of his business because under the western viewpoint, she is old enough to make her own decision. But, the boy was looking out for her safety as a sister, regardless.

Punjab on a whole is begining to lose its family value system, and being conditioned to the westerized system of 'me first' before tradition or society. The individualistic western society says question everything and anything that does not help yourself personally first. But, in actuality, society is interdependant on one another, and when we stop thinking of the greater good, we will begin to crumble.

This also leads into the reason for not marrying within same gotra...it is keeping the gene pool spread, which the reasons are obvious. None of our Guru's married within the same gotra as their mother or father. If it was ok to, do you not believe they would have not stood up against this? Do you think the Guru's would have went out of the Sodhi lineage if we were to ignore clans entirely?

Its your family's decision, and noone can tell them to or not to. But, by not doing it, it does not mean you believe in caste system. The Gotra, or Clan system, is used to trace your lineage...and i would assume noone would want to marry someone who is related to them.

There is a tendancy of younger sikhs to shoot down everything and anything that doesnt have a 'sikh' label on it, even though they are arguing against somethign that makes total sense. It seems they argue for the sake of argument, and in turn convince other unknowing people. However, Guru ji does not say be rebellious for everything foreign to you. He says find out the reasoning behind it. Truth is universal and without a label, and we are only fooling ourselves if we try to justify against it because it does not have 'sikhism' attached to it.

My only advice is not to judge based on caste or creed, but rather use good judgement. However, there is a question we should think about...are these traditions/beliefs we feel unnecessary actually in place for the welfare and benefit of our people...and do they have other reasons behind? We need to research these before discrediting them.

bhul chuk maaf.

 





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