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Kaam or suicide ?
Posted by: toronto_86 (IP Logged)
Date: April 24, 2008 07:40PM

I know for a fact that i can't control my kaam. I am not married by the way.
I have struggled with this problem for so long about 8 years now but haven't gotten a solution yet. I prayed so much to Guru ji but looks like my prayers haven't been heard. I have gotten everything else that I asked from Guru ji up until my life but the one thing that I have been asking is Jat and Sat. I have destroyed my body with evil practices and vishe vikar. I accrued so much bad karams that its not even funny. I am the lowliest person to be living on this planet. being an amritdhari i have committted so many sins that its very shameful . even though there are strict instructions from guru ji regarding this matter still i fail each and everytime. i am really pissed off at myself right now. why only me ? if guru wanted he could have stopped me from getting into these evil habits when i was a innocent kid ? WHY ONLY ME ? why couldn't i be like chardikala singhs.

I think its better to destroy this body myself rather than doing more damage to it through kaam. although there is a strict instruction against committing suicide from guru i think that sin would be nothing compared to the sins i committ everyday. I have cried in front of the guru so many times but he hasn;t listened to me . what option do i have now > nothing , this is the way the things are going to be forever

I am weak very weak uncapable of encountering this kaam, wtever efforts i do go futile and guru does nothing to help me , i really dont know ...


Re: Kaam or suicide ?
Posted by: Harinder Singh (IP Logged)
Date: April 24, 2008 10:13PM

Its pretty easy to stop this kaam. but the problem is sangat. People whom u consider ur brothers, ur everything when they act in jealous or envious manner, I feel thats when stopping this kaam becomes tough and one does this kaam OUT OF FRUSTATION. If u get a loving sangat like pyare Kulbir singh jee or u get a good charrdikala wife, this kaam will automatically leave.
SAT-sangat is GOD.


Re: Kaam or suicide ?
Posted by: JustME (IP Logged)
Date: April 25, 2008 05:25AM

Waheguru Ji Ka Khalsa Waheguru Ji Ki Fateh Pahji

believe it or not i was at a similar point.......it was either take my life or try understand why i was doing it........and u know what happend? I TOOK AMRIT!! lol and never looked back.........it realy easy for people to say........"do this" "try this" but to cure the disease you gotta find the root cause of the problem......i remember i could not look at another person without having some thought related to kaam........its was eating me alive........but veerji plz believe me when i say.........bani, contemplation and self reflection and analysis does help and does work..............im in a much happier place now cos i gave it all to Guru Ji when i gave my head......

When a lustful thought come into the mind, instinct tells us "STOP!!! EVIL!!! BAD!!!!" but the more we try to surpress it, the harder it keeps coming back......the kaam is just something that has come with us through countless lives and because we have not overcome it......that is why we are stuck here.....in this battle with the mind and the mind winning......first step is accepting it.....dont hate yourself about it.........with gurus kirpa you are trying to change and Guru doesnt fail us......its US whp keep failing......we want instant results.....! we wanna wake up one morning and find it all gone and everything better"

Unfortunatly it doest work like that..........we gotta earn that....cos we acumilated so much paap we gotta now do the bhagti to overcome it.......but you see our problem is after a few attempts we give up......its all a test my brother.....each day is a new battle......but if you u start ur day at 2-3am with full kesi inshaan and slowly do morning nitnam panj baniah + shabd hazarey and do a HEART_FELT benti to maharaj..........pour you heart out to him........explain to him how you are feeling and place you head in his lap...........after 3 months, after 4 months.............however long it takes..........u gotta earn you freedom..........earn your sikhi my beautiful veerji.........you are not alone......Waheguru sheds every tear with you, and also give you the strengh to rise up and try again.......

Sometimes the end of suffering is not the destination as such.........its the journey you take to get there.......

Bhul Chuck Maafi


Re: Kaam or suicide ?
Posted by: toronto_86 (IP Logged)
Date: April 25, 2008 08:43AM

thank you justme bhaji , your words have really helped ...i will try to maintain my amritvela and do bentis to Guru Ji.


Re: Kaam or suicide ?
Posted by: singhbj (IP Logged)
Date: April 25, 2008 09:36AM

Waheguru ji ka khalsa
Waheguru ji ki fateh

Please check out these links




Waheguru ji ka khalsa
Waheguru ji ki fateh


Re: Kaam or suicide ?
Posted by: singhbj (IP Logged)
Date: April 25, 2008 10:01AM

Waheguru ji ka khalsa
Waheguru ji ki fateh

Solution to the problem !


Waheguru ji ka khalsa
Waheguru ji ki fateh


Re: Kaam or suicide ?
Posted by: hopeless (IP Logged)
Date: April 25, 2008 11:29AM

toronto bhaji if you are getting frustrated at not being able to overcome Kaam then it maybe gurjis way of pushing you to take amrit, as after trying millions of methods to overcome the lure of alcohol , in the end i gave up and took amrit even though i was not prepared because things just got to much and i couldn't take it anymore....think of it as taking a more ethical and fruitful suicide....i.e. give your body mind soul to gurji.....why throw yourself back into the wheel of reincarnation without a last ditched attempt.....and it has worked.....naam gives power to overcome......kaam ,the panj chore come back at you stronger than ever but this is just the way it is.....believe me all singhs get some messed up thoughts going through the mind but this is the test................just try driving through the roughest part of L.A. with a million dollar mercedes and tonnes of gold and see if no one mugs you.....this is like a gursikh going through kaljug with naam....the panj chore are gonna try there best to hit you were it really hurts...........if that guy driving the mercedes had an ex marine with a machine gun....he would feel safe so just imagine how powerful a guard is naam and the fact that when you take amrit gurjis hand will be on your head to protect you from that day on.........so it comes to personal haumai if we deny the amrit we have taken and break our vows as it will be our fault because we have the tools to protect us unlike before taking amrit.....use them.


Re: Kaam or suicide ?
Posted by: Sardar Singh (IP Logged)
Date: April 26, 2008 11:32AM

There is dignity and honour in struggling but none in accepting defeat.

Same goes for your struggle here. You aren't the first to have this problem and won't be the last.

Consider Guru Sahib's kara as a marker that this is no longer your hand anymore. That is the start of the solution.

Even mentioning suicide is unacceptable in Gursikhi.


Re: Kaam or suicide ?
Posted by: JustME (IP Logged)
Date: April 28, 2008 09:06AM

Whaeguru ji ka Khalsa waheguru ji ki Fateh

Pahji, kaam is a very sensitive issue amongst the INDIAN/SIKH community....the method that is mainly used is....."pretend theres nothing wrong, and it will go away....!!" if only reality was so easy .....we even build our minds up so they we think that we doing nothing wrong....."no-ones knows, so its okay"

Well if that was the case.....we be happy right? .......yeah?......but......thats where the problems begin.....when we try and look at ourselves in the mirror.....the horror of the crap that is lying inside us comes to the surface...

THATS WAHEGURU.......Realisation....is the first step recovery......What is it that makes you realise that makes you realise the wrongness of your actions? God himse;f is waking you up..........you decide whether u want to remain awake

bhul chuck maafi



Re: Kaam or suicide ?
Posted by: hsc13 (IP Logged)
Date: April 28, 2008 01:18PM


Please don't mind by what I am about to say. But one way to control your kaam is to be married. This way you are controlling or limiting your kaam to within you and your partner. If you are at a marriable age then this is one option. But always remember that any physical relationship you have is only between you and your wife, as masturbation is a sin and not allowed in gurmat.

But until you get married, try to keep a solid amritwela, don't eat outside food and stay in sangat as much as possible. TV and internet use should be be avoided as much as possible. Exercise and go for daily walks also will help to control the "urges". Also, avoid sugar - I have found that "urges" and sugar consumption go hand in hand. From this day on, start clean and do a serious ardaas to our beloved Father - he will help you.

The realty is whether anyone believes it or not, not everyone can right away can control kaam as soon as they take amrit. There are a few lucky souls that have had massive naam de kamai in their past lives that can control their kaam right away as soon as they take amrit - but these people are few.

I myself became Amritdhari after being married, had I taken amrit before marriage I would have a very very hard time controlling kaam.

Please forgive your brother for any mistakes - I too am learning to control kaam (both of the flesh and of the tongue). May our Father help us to will our daily battles.

Waheguru Jee Ka Khalsa
Waheguru Jee Kee Fateh


Re: Kaam or suicide ?
Posted by: sidhu.hcl (IP Logged)
Date: April 28, 2008 01:18PM

Veer toronto 86 ji

In my view "kaam" should not be compared with "suicide".

The whole creation around you is result of this "kaam" only . God had sended us for one sole reason, i.e go and take rabb da naam and allow others to come thru ur devil "kaam".

our sole purpose here is to do reverence of god so tht one can join the jot of Vaheguru ji. and other purpose is to produce so tht other 33 crore can get chance to come here.

"Kaam" is not a vikaar. But kaam should have limits. thts wht Guruji had said.


Re: Kaam or suicide ?
Posted by: JustME (IP Logged)
Date: April 29, 2008 03:41AM

Saad Sangat Jio please forgive me for saying this but i cannot agree that using terms as "Not Allowed in Sikhi" - a sikh is a student....a student is always learning.....whether it be through His mistakes or his triumphs........we, like typical punjabis...think we know more that Dhan Dhan Guru Nanak Dev Ji.....he went to the sinner of Sinners and did he say to them U cannot be sikh? or "this is allowed in sikhi" Sikhi gives us a choice....do bad things....you will only reap bad things......do good things and u will reap the benifits.....the ideaology is very simple.......but we make it un-neccessarily complicated ..

Lets not forget that Waheguru Himself has created Kaam......so it is with his Kirpa we can overcome it.....but kirpa doesnt come if we dont BECOME the change we want to be....

There is no right and wrong......cos everything is in His Bhana.....when we begin to see this.............waheguru is not actually as far away as we think he is...

Bhul Chuck Maafi

Im the worst of the worst, the lowest of the lowest and please keep me at the dust of your charan


Re: Kaam or suicide ?
Posted by: sidhu.hcl (IP Logged)
Date: April 30, 2008 05:56AM

Im very agree with Just Me ji ..

moreover whn we people discuss abt "kaam" either we shrink at some issues or dont want to discuss some. "kaam" as such is not a vikaar.

everyone of us is result of "Kaam". kaam is very important for a sikh and for every other community who has desire to survive. "kaam" is a god-gifted . Sri Guru Govind Singh ji had written a lot abt "kaam" in Sri Dusham Granth Sahib ji. He had mentioned the limits how over kaam can make a women into "kanika" "veshya" and a man into "Balatkaari".

whn "kaam" desire crosses the limit thn one can spoil his spiritual careers also. thus it is important for every sikh to put his "kaam" into limits.

Jini k patrata c ohna bakhyan kita aa shyad hor singh jada bakhyan kar sakan.


Re: Kaam or suicide ?
Posted by: * (IP Logged)
Date: May 01, 2008 06:25PM

i agree with JustME ji. I think what we are hopeing is the last stage because i have heard even when person enter dasam duar this 5 things are reduced to 20% but if the person is not carefull it can go back to 100% like any normal person. Also if it is only limited to person (means not going to diffrent person and affecting other) then I think later it will go away. Any person who claim that he dont have kaam is laying unless he is one with god. I have seen people that they dont watch Tv and all but all time talk about it and all. I think this energy going to come out any way my be in diffrent forms with diffrent people.

There is a book of bhai ragubir singh ji. There is one story in there were one yogi cut his body part and said to them even still it dont go away.

Also in our history when sikhs were digging earth for make sarovar there was one yoge they dug from ground and baba Budda Ji asked him he said he is sitting for long time but he still have all five of them and then with guru sahibs kirpa he become one with god.

I think only thing the person can do is jaap naam, and ardass to guru sahib eventually some time it will go away. until that time just "try" to control.


Re: Kaam or suicide ?
Posted by: singhbj (IP Logged)
Date: May 02, 2008 04:35AM

Waheguru ji ka khalsa
Waheguru ji ki fateh


ਸੂਹੀ ਮਹਲਾ ੪ ॥
Soohee, Fourth Mehl:

ਹਰਿ ਪਹਿਲੜੀ ਲਾਵ ਪਰਵਿਰਤੀ ਕਰਮ ਦ੍ਰਿੜਾਇਆ ਬਲਿ ਰਾਮ ਜੀਉ ॥
In the first round of the marriage ceremony, the Lord sets out His Instructions for performing the daily duties of married life.

ਬਾਣੀ ਬ੍ਰਹਮਾ ਵੇਦੁ ਧਰਮੁ ਦ੍ਰਿੜਹੁ ਪਾਪ ਤਜਾਇਆ ਬਲਿ ਰਾਮ ਜੀਉ ॥
Instead of the hymns of the Vedas to Brahma, embrace the righteous conduct of Dharma, and renounce sinful actions.

Source: [www.srigranth.org]

The righteous conduct of Dharma can only be acheived by having an Anand Karaj then only one can renounce sinful actions. There is no other way as per Gurmat-Sikh Rehat Maryada.

Waheguru ji ka khalsa
Waheguru ji ki fateh


Re: Kaam or suicide ?
Posted by: Sikhi (IP Logged)
Date: May 09, 2008 11:06AM

Waheguru ji ka Khalsa
Waheguru ji ki Fateh

Perhaps it's a good idea to look at Guru's example. They themsleves were married between ages of 11 and 23 years old
Tho it is said when married it is no longer kaam, still problems can arise because kaams best friend is krodh because of associate moh and lobh, the voice of ankaar likes to chime in with the chatter of the others. Turn down the volume with naam. Anytime thoughts of kaam arise engage in naam to drown out the voice.


Re: Kaam or suicide ?
Posted by: M Singh (IP Logged)
Date: May 16, 2008 11:04AM

Dear Bhai Sahib Ji,
There are so many good posts for the topic started by u. I hope u would have gained a lot from these messages.Please do tell us about your present state of mind. Do you have Chardi Kala, now?


Re: Kaam or suicide ?
Posted by: toronto_86 (IP Logged)
Date: May 17, 2008 09:10AM

wjkk wjkf singho

Thanks a lot for your advice everybody. Since , you have asked I will let you guys know. In reality, Guru ji is the one who will make you realize what path to follow. I realized that it is my own weakness not any one else's fault that I let Kaam overtake me. I have been listening to kathas and going to sadhsangat and trust me it has really helped.

I would say that I am in much more of a balanced state now although not totally safe. with guru jis kirpa I don't feel like looking at opposite sex , it feels repulsing and disgusting and bad images are a strictly no no for me now , I feel as if i get depleted just by looking at them. So that is a bonus point, Guru ji has done kirpa.

This is all Guru jis kirpa, and it comes only when we recite gurbani with prem and out loud on a daily basis, but i feel guilty because the last two days i have been lenient in doing my nitnem i should be more disciplined with my nitnem. but guru ji will also do kirpa with my nitnem too. we need a sincere desire.

but mind you i have not transformed completely yet , often once a week , kaam strikes very hard, my heart beat often gets faster and the fear escalates. but its alrite now. not as bad as it used to be before. guru ji di kirpa hai, i think these things strike us when we break our nitnem , if we keep our nitnem strict then these things stay away from us. also i have been trying to watch the hollywood movies even though their genre is action or thriller because even a little bit of inappropriate exposure and bad images can wreak havoc on my mind , so i have been trying to avoid those as well. and wet dreams are very annoying , but they will go away eventually if i keep up my nitnem and make it strict.

so overall guru ji di kirpa hai , much better than before , but still this cancer has not been cured totally and there are lot of things that i have to improve on .

Sache pathshah bhakash lavo

wjkk wjk


Re: Kaam or suicide ?
Posted by: M Singh (IP Logged)
Date: May 17, 2008 06:37PM

That is good, u are in chardi kala. Never talk of suicidal tendencies. U are supreme. Have control of your innner self, in your hands. Do not allow others, or outside world disturb your lyrical balance.

Kaam can work wonders, under control. A great gift to humanity. Make Kaam and Karodh, Khurpas, to cultivate and take out the weeds, carefully, from your body. Without care, one can injure his/her body with the khurpa or spade. Naam has to be sown ultimately, daily, in this body. There are pits of poison around us, we have to be careful in protecting the Amrit from that.

Try to laugh on your weak self.


Re: Kaam or suicide ?
Posted by: kpsingh (IP Logged)
Date: May 22, 2008 08:47AM

Dear Vee jio,
Dass would also like to add some words on this.

It is due to past karmas that we get into such activites. Good karmas of past, like bhagti, naam jaap, Guru sewa, of previous janams gives us Saadh Sangat, Sat Sangat. But bad karmas of past, and past janams, give us more bad sangat, and we indulge into more bad karams. These bad karams are "bandhan" for a human being.

As Gurbani says, previous bad karams, paap can be erased by Guru jis kirpa when we do naam Jaap, bani abhiyaas.

Veer jio to control kaam start doing 6 malas of mool mantar (pehli pauri of Japji Saahib) until

hY BI scu nwnk hosI BI scu ]1]

daily (108 manke mala). If not 6 then start maybe two or maybe three, but daily. If you miss out on one day then make it up on third or fourth day or whenever its possible. But keep doing it. Also keep doing ardaas for Guru jis kirpa.
Slowly you can increase to 6 malas. Maybe after 3 months or 6 months or 1 year. If you start doing more in the begining it could be problem because it could be difficult to maintain it and you may stop doing it altogether, so start with what is possible to maintain, that is if you miss out on one day then later you can still cover it.

mnu prboDhu hir kY nwie ]
dh idis Dwvq AwvY Twie ]

Why we need to do so much naam kamayee is because it is support for our Mann. Mann falls when any bad thought because of kaam krodh lobh moh ahnkaar strikes us. Mann simply falls because there is no support for it. Since from past we have not so much abhiyas, kamai Mann cannot hold itself onto anything.

ijau mMdr kau QwmY QMmnu ]
iqau gur kw sbdu mnih AsQMmnu ]

So Guru ji's shabad holds and gives support to Mann and lets it not to fall.

Slowly as shabad kamai increases, you will automaticaly see the difference.

Also veer jio, apply dust of Saadh Sangat to your forehead, and if you happen to visit a Naam Rasiya Gurmukh Mahapurakh, apply dust of their feet or where they stand, because that dust when you apply to your forehead then all bad karams of the past on your forehead will get erased, and you will save yourself from many such future difficulties.

bhul chuak maaf ker deni,
Guru Sahib aap nu bal bakshan

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